Soap Box In My Mind really enjoyed Peacebreakers

Peacebreakers is a book about the co-existence of humans and mutants in a time where vengeance lays heavy in the air. In 1860 there was a genocide of mutant-kind, referred to as the Purge. Since the Purge, mutant-kind has had to live with the inequalities put forth by humans. In an effort to gain revenge for her ancestors and level the playing field against humans, a mutant named Isabella Sordeno forms an underground group of mutants called the Paralysis. From here, plans are made and executed to bring pain and suffering to humankind in retribution of all the wrongs committed against mutants.I really enjoyed this book. It was a surprisingly good storyline written by a 17 year old. In the era of the Twilight saga, it is difficult to come across material in this genre and age group that has not been done. This book has mutants, which consist of vampires and werewolves, but not the typical vampires and werewolves of every other story. There is also romance and violence, all done tastefully. Of course, the whole premise of the book is the power struggle of the central characters against humans, but also with themselves.I did have some difficulty keeping familial ties straight in the beginning, and there were some bumpy transitions along the way. However, overall I felt that this was a very maturely written novel. It should be well received by teens and young adults.On a scale of 1-4, I give this book a 3. I really enjoyed it and look forward to following the series.

Step 5 Adverbs

Adverbs are Evil

Well, not really. As writers most of us love words. Adverbs lend color and life to descriptions. However, when they are used too often they tend to distract from the story and can leave your readers saying, "Huh?" Do not overuse. When you edit make sure the adverbs in your story are necessary. Also make sure they are placed in the correct spots.

The most overused adverb/adjective is very.
Adverbs usually end in ly.
Adverbs tell: how, when or where (sometimes how many)

ex. "Perhaps." His voice was a whisper in the sultry air.
Her back stiffened and she squared her shoulders. Despite the prudent and wise council she gave herself, she was more determined than ever to beat this man at his own games.
Or my games she amended ruefully.
She could not remain quiet, nor could she give in to the threat hovering over her head. "You want the land, the power and the castle," she went on to tell him.
"Of course he agreed, his lips now slanting downward as if he sought words meant to appease her prickly attitude. "Don't forget the greatest prize of all." He pushed away from the castle wall, once again the sun glinting on his raven black hair.


ex. "Perhaps." His voice was a willowy whisper in the sultry air.
Her back slightly stiffened and she squared her shoulders. Despite the desperately prudent and wise council she gave herself, she was more determined than ever to beat this dangerously dark man at his own games.
Or my silly games she amended ruefully.
She could not remain quiet, nor could she give in to the threat hovering dangerously over her head. "You want the land, the power and the castle," she went on to tell him determinedly.
"Of course he agreed happily, his lips now slanting downward as if he sought the words meant to rightfully appease her very prickly attitude. "Don't forget the greatest prize of all." He pushed slightly away from the castle wall, once again the sun glinting on his rakishly raven black hair.

Step 4: Repetition

Step 4: Repetition: A killer that can stop your story dead in its tracks.

Do not repeat words!

I see this mistake all of the time. I think we all have our own nemesis. However, repetition creates a boring story. We are authors. We love words. If you can't think of a synonym, right click on the repeated word, go to synonym and view your choices.

Sometimes we don't know we have repeated a word. Read your scene out loud. It will slow everything down and you will see lots of mistakes you didn't know you had.

ex. But she had been hot for him, a wanton in his arms.
Didn't know him at all…
He'd married her. He didn't have to bid on her. He could march right up there and tell everyone that she was his wife.
By then he could have annulled the marriage.
White women are good for only one thing. More of his words hammered inside her head. Good to fill a man's needs and warm his bed at night--nothing more. White women are flirts.
She wasn't like that. Emma St. John wanted to scream at Dakota. She wanted him to feel pain.
Silver bells shivered and moaned.
Sounds that had once soothed and eased her loneliness no longer gave comfort.
"Sold!"

ex. But she had been hot for him, even a wanton in his arms.
Didn't know him at all…
He'd even married her. He didn't even have to bid on her. He could even march right up there and tell everyone she was his wife.
By then he could even have annulled the marriage.
White women are good for only one thing. Even more of his words hammered inside her head. Good to fill a man's needs and even warm his bed at night--nothing more. White women are flirts.
She wasn't like that. Emma St. John wanted to scream at Dakota. She even wanted him to feel pain.
Silver bells shivered and moaned.
Sounds that had once soothed and eased her loneliness no longer gave comfort.
"Sold!"

Step 3 Tags

Step 3. Tags--to tag or not to tag--that is the question.

Tags can detract from your dialogue and take away the tension and drama. They can be confusing and misused. I have found that a lot of dialogue moves faster and his more dramatic when no tags are used. A tag is meant only to identify the speaker. I've seen tags misused. For

example, "I went to the store and bought a gallon of milk," he barked.

Really? Did she really bark? If she did, does barking go with buying a gallon of milk?

Possible non possibilities.
1. he screeched 7. she retorted
2. she murmured 8. she barked
4. he called out 9. he snapped
5. she laughed out loud 10. he offered
6. he pontificated 11. he observed

ex. "So you locked her in a room."
"Yes."
"Then you went to the authorities."
"She escaped."
The story had definite holes. "Where did you look for her?
"Everywhere. But we always seemed to be one step behind her. My man followed her to the Mississippi, where she hooked up with a man they called Dakota."

ex. with tags.
"So you locked her in a room," she stated.
"Yes," he answered back.
"Then you went to the authorities," she muttered.
"She escaped," he murmured.
The story had definite holes. "Where did you look for her?" she queried indignantly.
"Everywhere. But we always seemed to be one step behind her. My man followed her to the Mississippi, where she hooked up with a man they called Dakota," he exacerbated.

Have to use a tag?

Use: he/she said or
he/she asked

Phase 2 Point of view

Step 2--Polish, polish, polish and polish again.

Point of view--also known as POV or head hopping. Mastering POV can be one of the hardest elements a writer faces. Master POV and you will be one step closer to the WOW factor!

Why stay in one head?
a. tension
b. drama
c. continuity
d. clarity
e.
f.

ex. "They didn't follow me." One hand rested on her arm.
"You are sure."
"I'm going for a doctor."
"No!" His grip tightened then relaxed. "It's only a flesh wound."
She stood up abruptly and walked away from him, determined to gather supplies and slip from the cave.
The determination in her voice unsettled her. She could get lost out there, but she had no choice. Dakota wouldn't live without professional help.
"You can't go out there." He was upon her before she knew it, his hands planted firmly on her arms as his fingers formed steel bands around her. She opened her mouth to argue with him.
"I won't hear of it."

ex. "They didn't follow me." One hand rested on her arm.
"You are sure." Lord but he was afraid for her.
"I'm going for a doctor."
"No!" His grip tightened then relaxed. "It's only a flesh wound." He knew the lie for what it was.
She stood up abruptly and walked away from him, determined to gather supplies and slip from the cave.
The determination in her voice unsettled her. She could get lost out there, but she had no choice. Dakota wouldn't live without professional help.
"You can't go out there." He was upon her before she knew it, his hands planted firmly on her arms as his fingers formed steel bands around her. She opened her mouth to argue with him.
"I won't hear of it." He was determined to keep her safe.

Breaking the Barriers

"How to polish you manuscript to a beautiful shine."


the
WOW!
factor


Does your story have it? Check out step 1 in creating the WOW factor

Step 1: Create a brilliant opening sentence.

ex. Moonless and frigid, the December night sent chills down Emma's spine. (Dakota's Bride)

ex. A polished azure sky looked down on a day that vacillated between winter and spring--a day unable to make up its mind. (My Angel)

ex. "You can't plan to wed me to that--that man down there!" (Allura)

Perhaps not so brilliant.

ex. Bone-weary from a hard day at sea, Misha trudged up the long mud-rutted road to the boarding house that sat on top a hell less than a mile outside Mist Harbor, Oregon. (The Locket)